During these tough economic times, many of us will be forced to re-assess what life is all about, including what really matters most to us.  For those of us lucky enough to maintain steady employment, we should also take the time to examine life’s priorities, and give thanks for what we have, as opposed to pining for what we are lacking. 

Bottom line:  When does matter cease to matter?

‘Matter’ is the scientific way of describing anything that looks ‘solid’.  All the ‘stuff’ you can make out of raw materials, or can buy off the shelf, could be included in this category.  No matter how much wealth you have accumulated, or how much ‘stuff’ you have in your possession, these things cannot guarantee your happiness.  Why is it that we hear all too often the common phrase, “I’ll be happy when…”?   

When tough times of scarcity happen in our lives, we are reminded that we can find joy in the simplest of life’s experiences: the sight of a beautiful flower, the smell of fresh-cut grass, or the tingle caused by snowflakes landing on our tongue.  The realization of how beautiful and simple life can be is an excellent wake-up call to embrace the true meaning of life.   

The meaning of life – one man’s opinion. 

To me, the meaning of life goes something like this:  1) connect with who you really are, 2) accept that person unconditionally, and then 3) share that person with others. 

1)      Connect with who you really are.

 The gift you have to offer to others, and vice-versa, is the open expression of who you really are.  This may be defined as the ‘I’ behind the eyes.  If your body is your vehicle, then who you are is the driver.  You are the one who decides where to go in this life, and how you’d like to get there.  You are the one who decides who you would like to bring with you on your journey, and who you choose to leave behind.  You are the one who decides why you do what you do, and you are the one who places judgment on the value of your decisions, and your actions.  An awareness of your position in your life gives you the ‘connection’ to who you are.  Remember, you are not what you do, you are simply the one who does. 

Thoughts happen all the time.  Multiple thoughts are probably popping up randomly in your head at this very moment.  Do you connect with the thought, and say, “If I think this, then I must be this?”  The problem with this type of thinking is the following, “If I am the thought, then who is the one capable of observing the thought as it is occurring?”  The answer to this question is you.  You are the observer – the ‘I’ behind the eyes.  You are the consciousness behind the thoughts.  Ponder this fact for a moment.  Realize that although you can choose to have a thought, and follow it, you are also free to have a different thought, and follow that one.  Therefore, who you are is not the thought.  You are the one who makes the conscious decision of how to react to the thought.  Choose consciously, so that how you react is based on your personal values, your morals, and your truth – then, what others witness by your actions is who you really are.

 2)      Accept that person unconditionally.

 Once you take responsibility for your conscious existence, practice acceptance of your unique identity.  Nobody else on this planet is the same as you.  That is the gift you have to offer the rest of us.  Accept it.  All that you are is all that you have to offer.  Therefore, if you exercise any resistance to who you are, then you are withholding part of the miracle that is you — from us.  We do not want you to be someone else – we already have that person.  We want you.   

Acceptance is likened to the feeling of allowing.  It also includes a feeling of value that you attach to yourself in a no-matter-what kind of way.  It is not a comparison to others.  When we accept ourselves unconditionally, this means we do not put conditions on our own self-worth.  We graciously allow for mistakes, and accept the best we have to offer in each and every moment.  We are all human beings.  And to be human, after all, will include to err – and usually to err often.  The beauty of being human, however, is that we have the opportunity to learn from our errors, and to evolve.  I have a motto that I follow in this regard:   

‘The best that you can do will always be good enough.  And, the best that you can do today is not necessarily the best you’ve ever done.”   

Be kind to yourself, and know that we are creatures that are constantly evolving, learning, and share the common opportunity of becoming better humans.  Take the opportunity.  Accept yourself as you are today, and enjoy the challenge that all of life has to offer.

 3)      Share that person with others.

 The sharing with others includes relating to the community we are born into, and continue to live alongside.  None of us are born as an island to ourselves, and therefore how we relate to others will constitute a major component of our life experience.  I can think of no other way of living ‘authentically’ than to share ‘who we really are’ with those around us.  This may not be in a no-holds-barred kind of way, but more as an open, honest reflection of our true intentions.  When I explain this principle to my clients, the only assumption I add to this section is: “When sharing with others, your actions should include no intention of harm to yourself or others.”  I make this very clear, so that when I teach the principle of letting your actions reflect your intentions, I am not labeled as a proponent for violence, or a society without laws and boundaries.  I encourage freedom of expression, but not without limits.  The point is this:  when you share your life with others, you get a sense of belonging, of value and purpose, and you get to experience the expression of love, both giving and receiving.  These are all important ingredients in a very scrumptious life!

With affection,

Dr. Christian Guenette

The Common Sense Coach^TM